Okay, I will admit I am a very passionate person. I have a tendency to think with my heart more than I’m willing to say. I feel so much, all of the time. So one of the things I had to learn how to do is center my emotions around something that gives me peace instead of turmoil. That thing, now, is God, and I feel like I have become a lot more grounded in myself because of his guidance. I try not to find validation in anyone else’s opinions, though it is a struggle. It doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t break, as a matter of fact it breaks all the time. But knowing who I am gives me the strength I need to make better decisions than I have in the past.
With that said, I remember all the hardships I’ve had to go through with my heart. All of the sleepless nights and overthinking. That feeling like I’m not good enough or uncertainty of how the future would be even IF things worked out in my favor. I’ve messed with a lot of dilemmas unnecessarily and lost a best friend or two because I wasn’t willing to wait and let things lye. I can’t go back and get the important things that went off-course, but I can write to those who may be in the position I was in. So my mini article is addressed mainly to men who feel “stuck” or aren’t sure if they’ve found “the one”. Be careful not to make the biggest mistake of your life.
I’m no professional when it comes to relationships but I feel I have a pretty good grasp of human emotions and reactions. And one thing I continuously see is the discrediting of women because of their sensitive, high strung view of things. We, as women, can’t help that we get attached so quickly to the males we come in contact with. This is an absolute fact. The Institut Universitaire en Santé Mentale de Montréal and the University of Montreal conducted some research in 2015 to see just how much more sensitive women were verses men. They took 46 people, 25 female, 21 male, and gave them a blood test to figure out the different levels of estrogen and testosterone. They then showed them a group of provoking images and studied their reactions to them. All elements such as age, race, education, marital and socioeconomic status were barred from the conclusion. What was the outcome? As you may have expected, women came out with high estrogen levels, and men came out with high testosterone levels. Higher testosterone levels are usually associated with a lower amount of sentiment. Now, all of this is not to say that men don’t have feelings and are heartless. Definitely NOT the point of this. The point is that women will most likely react by what they feel in the moment. Timothy 3:11 in the word of God says, “In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” We may not be perfect, but I can say with absolute confidence that when we love, we love with our whole heart. We don’t mean to seem obsessive or crazed, we’re just nervous that we actually found something worth having. Life isn’t easy, and neither is dating.
My advice to women who feel very strongly as I do, is to pray on everything from the start. From the first time you meet someone, to the day you slip on your wedding ring. Pray. Pray AND wait. If you really feel like this could be it, don’t you want to take your time and think rationally about your next course of action. There’s nothing wrong with feeling what you feel but not every feeling needs to be express at the time you feel it. Sometimes men just want to sit and be quiet with their thoughts. For example, you’re angry with a guy you’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks. It’s something silly such as, he didn’t like your new shoes. You’ll be thinking about that for the rest of the day, whereas the guy won’t give it a second thought. He was just stating his opinion, what’s the big deal, right? Those are the contentions that we as women have to learn to let go of. If you’re being abused, that’s a completely different story. But take that tiny insult, dig a tiny hole, bury it in the ground, and keep it there. Sometimes men just don’t understand what they do to us. It’s not always their fault.
I had to share this with all of you, not as a rant, but because of some of the experiences I’ve had in my life. I see beautiful and kind women get turned down all the time because of the smallest flaw they may possess. There are women out there who are not interested in loving any man the way they should be loved, but the majority of us do care. So before you dismiss that girl who checks her makeup too much in the mirror, or wears a little too much Dolce & Gabbana perfume. Before you write off the “late-night texter” as non-important. Before you tell all your guy friends that you’re “keeping your options open”, and dating a girl who’s talking about marriage. Before you make that small seemingly insignificant misstep, I PLEAD with you on behalf of my kind. Give us a break, we really mean no harm. Much love, XOXOH yes!